Tuesday, February 12, 2019
Sincere thanks to all who have reached out about our dad, and left memories and comments - it means the world to us. A few friends and relatives have asked for the eulogy that Samantha, Luke and I put together, so I'd like to post it. Please reach out if you'd like to share any stories of Tom. With love, Shannon (smjudge@gmail.com)
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Faced with doing the impossible this week, saying goodbye to our Dad, Tom, we saw rather quickly than in everything he has taught us to do throughout our lives, he somehow taught us to do this. In each day's tasks that felt insurmountable this past week, we were able to handle it, because of him.
Luke, Samantha and I each have unique bonds with Dad. He was Luke's commuting buddy, talking daily about life and various events, the kids and friends, and philosophizing. He called me his fish, and loved that I can be gullible and too trusting, seeing the world through what he called 'rose-colored glasses;' I always laughed at the irony and threw back at him that HE actually HAS rose-colored glasses, and endearingly because of his tough façade, could sometimes be prone to the same. Samantha is his baby, and they had a special bond, shared a love of the law and her incredible daughters, and he could not have been more proud that she and Dave became attorneys after graduating college from his alma mater, St. Anselms. He considered Keri and Dave his own kids, teasing and making a gloating phone call each time the Red Sox lost (which used to be frequently), at times arguing with them like his own kids, making the bond between us all stronger.
Our dad delighted in so many mundane duties of being a great father. Trips to look at colleges were his favorite. Sam was determined to go to school in DC. He once took her and drove her around the city for a tour, during the Million Man March. She took one look at the chaos of the city and campus, said she's not going there, he said "Ok, let's go home," and turned around, never stepping one foot outside the car.
He's always had an uncanny ability to make it all better - No matter how scared we were at times, or how upset we were in a crisis, he always knew how to stay calm and loving in the most intense situations, and fix it. He couldn't stand to see anyone in a tough spot.
He pointed out over the years how each of us are like him in various ways, and most surprisingly because of our different-seeming personalities from the outside, perhaps he and I were most similar at the core. It's why we could joke that in his plans to move to Florida, we had to at least have a huge courtyard or swimming pool between us if he moved into the same complex as me, and why Luke layed an over-under on how long it would take before we stopped talking.
Dad has been described as "giddy" by a number of people this last week, regarding his plans to move to Florida - a word that has never been associated with Tom! Luke made a list of 'The Rules,' and had yet to present them to him. Despite the bit of distance we knew we needed, the best apartment for him, with views of the water and his favorite Florida "puffy clouds" as he called them, was one floor above and one unit over from me. I couldn't wait to be balcony buddies with him.
Dad loved to tell stories, as we all know -- we can recite any you've missed word-for-word, just ask! He beamed as he recalled instances with his parents and siblings growing up, talked of the farm he and Uncle Don bought in the Catskills in the 70s and all who visited on weekends, and their adventures with Uncle Brian and Dud.
Hearing Dad described as "giddy" by friends recently is a testament to his innate sense of adventure, whether proudly before a jury in a courtroom putting on a wild performance -- where he wore his favorite cowboy boots because the lady jurors loved it, or planning extravagant vacations and cruises to places on his bucket list, or taking us to the city for afternoons of museum exploration and lovely dinners out around the holidays; we all have that part of Dad in our very makeup, and gratefully, many years of memories he created for us.
Despite his sometimes-severe demeanor and tough-to-crack shell, he infused situations with an innocent and childlike sense of fun, laughter and wonder, and in his truest essence, loved to laugh more than anything else. There was no greater feeling than getting him rolling until he yelled, "Stop it!!" Luke is the best at that. He was infectious like that.
In a modern world that he proudly didn't have much use for, Luke, Samantha and I notice that we are different, because of him...in the workplace, and in life. His deep sense of integrity, honor and hard-working ethic run through us as it does all Judges, and now his grandkids, and are still at the core of everything he's ever taught us.
This past week we have made so many phone calls of this heartbreaking news, reaching out to old family friends and strangers alike, listed in his Rolodex (he still has one!), all of whom we knew meant so much to my dad because through him and his great stories, we knew them. With every single call, there were many tears on both ends of the phone, and warm stories told of a unique man who touched people in an unexpected and tender way. That's who Dad is, and will always continue to be, even now, forever in our hearts: his siblings, children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, cousins and dear friends.
What a man - the original Madman, as he's known, especially by Mary Jane and the Rockaway crew. Life will never, ever be the same without him. We hope you really know how very much we have always, always loved you, Dad, far beyond words. We will never stop loving you; you are everything to us, and we will always make you proud to be our dad.
His most prominent message in this time would be to the beautiful grandchildren he so adores: Abigail, Isabella, Thomas, Henry, Elliana and Adelaide. He would want you to into this world and do what you love, as Grandpa did, to be strong and wise, read voraciously, don't work too hard, and appreciate all that you have. He would always tell you what he sincerely believed: Nothing Is Impossible. Grandpa loves you so very much.
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